Eve of a New Dawn

I threw down 600 words on the beginning of something I was fantasizing.  But writing the details was kind of boring.  Here is my problem - I like non-consent fantasies as you know.  I was trying to write one of those Dom/sub thingys where the woman may be slightly reluctant but is choosing to submit.

I don't know - it was such a turn off.  I started thinking about those manipulative women I know who try to be more feminine than you, if you know the type.  They play the damsel card even when they are perfectly capable of doing the work and men fall for that shit every time.  Like they will run to the rescue while the rest of us appear strong and go un-helped.  In fact, in my life I am always doing things so far ahead of schedule that I then have to go back and do the work that the other people can't seem to do in the same time frame.  People tend to rely on me instead of trying harder, which frankly, pisses me off so much that I don't want to be like them.  Don't want to be a submissive passive-aggressive by choice.

I'm watching Showtime porn.  I usually fast-forward through the sex scenes.  They are kind of - meh.  Not a fan of fake boobs.  They look gross the way they are so balloon-like.  Oh, here comes another lesbian scene.  How many lesbians do you know?  Gay guys at work and in my friend circle are very fit and well groomed but the lesbians are more Rosie O'Donnell-like circa that time she went all Boy George haircut.  I don't really get the part where the woman wears a strap-on. It seems like they would be happier with a tranny.  Is that mean?  Because in a non-consent fantasy I don't care if it is a man or a woman doing the raping.  It's the getting fucked against your will that I like.  Getting fucked despite your best efforts to stop it from happening because you are a good girl who wouldn't dare do bad things. 

Okay - I know, I know.  I need therapy.

Those fake boobs make the porn stars look fat.  I have been dieting to achieve a certain look for my birthday tomorrow and for the high school reunion I will attend this summer.  TMI?  I haven't eaten a thing in days and days and by thing I mean no candy or basically, lunch.  I lost that stupid five pounds that seems to stick no matter how much you exercise but no one seems to notice.  Well, I mean men or maybe a particular man.  Completely oblivious to change.

I have several stories in my head.  Someone on Twitter had a link to a Stephen King speech that was on You Tube.  I watched it and felt like I understood him - I mean what he said about writing is what I do- thinking about the good and bad of characters.  People are not 100% perfect.  I've never read one of his books.  I have zero desire to read anything that is horror-ish.  I know Dr. Cockburn's Medicine is labeled erotic horror but that's only because Jake thought it was horror.  I didn't because I was too turned on to the consensual non-consent element of Doc Cock's presence that I wasn't thinking scary.

I had always thought that Stephen King had to be one of those nerdy creepers from high school, the ones who gain some modicum of success as an adult but still retain their problematic personalities that are stuck in loser teenager mode.  But he did not come across like that.  He was pretty much normal.  He was speaking to a group of college students and I wish he had prepared something instead of winging it, but otherwise I liked him.

I like when I identify with other writers.  It makes me feel like I'm in the right direction with this endeavor.  I know what I'm doing.  I just have to find the confidence to produce the stuff that's in my head.   I just received two five star reviews for A Ghost's Chance on Amazon.com.

http://www.amazon.com/A-Ghosts-Chance-ebook/dp/B006X493BY%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAJBDF5XQBATGDX4VQ%26tag%3Dspea06-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB006X493BY 

I've been promoting the hell out of it on Twitter and two followers actually bought the story, read it and loved it.  So that only took a year and a half but what the hell?  I have plenty of time. 
 

Power Mia Re-Route

Here is the link to my new blog post on One Handed Writers - http://onehandedwriters.com/2013/05/18/power-mia/

It's about the Powerball jackpot.

Slutzie Mia

I just finished reading another chick lit book by one of my favorite authors.  This time there was teenage sex - 18-year-olds, as well as the same woman having sex as an adult.  The sex is completely skimmed over. 

I did end up liking the story.  I believe the boy's cock had a lot to do with the character not being able to move on with her life properly- I mean I implied it even though it was not written in black and white.

I guess I just don't understand people.  Many seem to be very reserved and probably have extremely vanilla sex if any. 

On Twitter, I followed Vin, Nick and Brace from Gigolos.  I tweeted about my last post and Vin tweeted back GigOlos.  I had spelled it with an A.  Whoops- I felt, sadly, very stupid to be corrected by the sexy man whore. It almost felt like a reprimand.

It was kind of bizarre  - that whole small world syndrome that you get with the internet.  That you can speak directly to a "celebrity".  They are no longer at arm's length. 

I found a few of the "models" (read porn stars) from a bondage site I peruse to get inspiration for stories and I followed them.  I guess I was thinking that it was all the same biz even though writing is literary and not porn.  Reading this one girl's tweets about doing a shoot/getting ready to have sex - I don't know, it was weird.  I ended up unfollowing them. 

When I took figure drawing I did not want to talk to the nude models.  There was something about objectifying people vs. having them be real.  I don't want to know them in real life.

I wonder what it would be like to have sex for a living?  It seems like it would be much more lucrative than what I do, which always kind of pisses me off.  People can make money without a college education.  Of course, you have to be okay with being judged by the moral compass police.

My more crass tweet about wanting to fuck me has not been re-tweeted today.  Needless to say I have my answer.  Even within the erotica industry there is kind of a moral thingy where you can go too far and people don't like it.  Makes it even more difficult to find an audience.

A woman suggested I lower my prices.  If I do then I will get a different caliber reader, perhaps one who has a negative view of the arts.  Do you know what I mean?  Then they will not like my characters and end up giving me bad reviews.  I cannot relate to people who don't put art on their walls, who don't use discretionary income to buy art and books, and fashionable clothing.  They are usually the ones who make the back-handed statements - how do you walk in those high shoes?  why are you dieting - you're so slim!

The art/fashion world is its own universe.  I realize I have painted myself into a corner.  What a fucked up world.

Gigolo My Gigolo

Do you watch Gigolos?  It is the greatest reality show ever!  Find it on demand on Showtime in the After Hours section.  It is hilarious.  They work for a company called Cowboys for Angels.

http://www.cowboysforangels.com/

They knock at the door not knowing what they'll find on the other side and these women want all sorts of kink.  The most recent episode had the new guy fucking an internet web slut.  The guy with the long hair fucked a sexy grandma.  And since Nick was in India traveling with a woman w/ cancer, they opened up this blow up doll of him and started fisting it.  It had an asshole!

I checked out the site about a year ago and Nick was only $300 an hour.  Now he is $800 for one or two hours or $20,000 for a week.

The new guy, (Bradley - I couldn't remember his name because they kept changing it) is only $350 an hour.

I just can't imagine paying for sex when it is so readily available but when you see attractive men on TV, you sometimes fantasize about being w/ a celeb.  In this case you just have to pay to play! 

I just don't get how they can get it up for the stranger behind the door.  How?  What are they thinking?  I mean, I'm at a loss.  Is it like "oh, boobs...schwing!"?  Like they don't care who it is?  I can see women who have sex for money.  For the most part they can just lay there or suck a cock.  Big deal.  Although if I had to fuck a guy with a beer gut or ass zits - yuck. 

Honestly, I don't know how they do it.  They are actually decent guys other than the man whore thing.

Measuring Mia - Re-Route

Wrote a new blog post on One Handed Writers.  I will post a link instead of re-writing it here. http://onehandedwriters.com/2013/05/04/measuring-mia/

The Twit in Mia

Okay, so I'm still not writing - except this.  Blogging does not count because it is kind of like writing in a journal, I guess.  It's here for me to blather on about what I should be doing rather than actually doing it.  I have very little free time these days and I'm spending it trying to get more visibility as a writer.  I'm on Facebook every night commenting on other people's threads.  I could plop down some opinions of my own but I don't.  Mostly I'm there to laugh at stupid stuff and not rant.  I do post links to blog posts and links to purchase my books.

Twitter is my new thing.  There's this thing called unfollow.com where you can see who is following you and unfollowing you and you can follow back or unfollow.  Follow, follow. follow, follow.  This is incredibly difficult for a person who lives a leader's life.  I have such difficulty with cooperative learning and sharing and all of that helping each other, which is the way of the world.  But really, it takes friendship to get anywhere in life and so the lone wolf artist is outta luck.

So here's what has happened since I joined "the system".  I followed over a thousand people and I now have over 700 followers.  This has happened in the past week, really.  I only followed something like 20 people before.  I wanted to read what people had to say.  Comedians mostly, because they have the best handle on short and concise one-liners that make you lol.  Joan Rivers, of course.  Close to eighty years old and she has her mouth on the pulse of all that is pop culture and I can only say Bravo! to that bitch as I bow down to her mastery of the media.

I had to say so long to her and Craig Ferguson and the Jimmys Kimmel and Fallon.  To Conan and Letterman, so long, and hello to a bunch of writers and randoms that I don't know.  Time to re-tweet (known as RT- ha, ha, I had to learn that!) The secret is in the re-tweets.  You do it as much as you can.  Then you thank all of the people who RTed you and respond to direct tweets and finally you tweet yourself w/ links to whatever - your blog, this blog, your books, etc.

The other thing is the hashtag. (#) Whoever thought of it, really?  It looks like this #MiaNatasha.  Hashtag something and it ends up on a trending page.  You are all probably rolling your eyes at me right now with a big duh!  (Do you at least still do that or am I like completely out of the loop?)  So I add BDSM and erotica, and Excessica and I don't know what to a hashtag as I'm tweeting now, and that helps me define myself so that other people will re-tweet me.

If this sound new to you, then I'm glad to help.  The thing is that ultimately a person with more followers than you will RT you and you'll get a lot of exposure and visibility is the key to success.  I have noticed more traffic to my blog, whether they are actually reading it is another matter.  Some people don't need to do any of this.  They are popular to the masses.  I was checking out the reviews for the 50 Shades books- there are over half a million on Goodreads!  I have 35 ratings for Cinderella Club, 19 for Cinderella Thyme, 8 for Cinderella Ending.  Then 8 for A Ghost's Chance (all five stars!) 6 for Jude's Whore and Dr. Cockburn's Medicine and only 3 for Putting the Madge in Danna.  Sadly those three are me and my best friend, and this wonderful woman named Renee who is my cheerleader.  Whah-whan!

I put my books on a shitload of lists there and it's kind of sadly funny that on some of them the books have one vote (mine).  Loser, party of one.

I'm really not phased, of course.  When I do all I can to promote myself, and by the same token to exercise and take care of myself, then all I can has to be good enough and that makes me feel good.  I will continue to try to establish myself as a force to be reckoned with, a force of one but so what?  I was never a writer to begin with and yet, here I am and there are people who think I'm good at it, people who actually think my shit don't stink so to speak.

So after this I will go back and tweet a little bit more.  Tweet, RT and repeat to my heart's content.  I hope you will do the same and shout me out too because I want to help you.  Help me help you.  Help you help me.  I am @mia_erotica on Twitter but you can find me by searching Mia Natasha.

The Project Runway runway finale is next Thursday.  Michelle is literally the lone wolf, the one who feels like the underdog who decided to actually use the idea of wolves as her inspiration.  She was the only one with a clear vision and I will cry tears of joy if she wins the competition just as I do almost every season because the culmination of hard work is always emotional for me.  Good luck, Michelle.  You'll be my hero (heroine) if you win it all and I will have the incentive to keep at this crazy erotica endeavor - like the leader that I really am.

Getting to Know Mia

I just spent the morning on Twitter and Facebook trying to up my Klout score.  I don't know if it even matters.  This re-tweeting business can get addicting but is it really helping sales? This is the completely unsexy part of this endeavor and I find myself wrapped up in it due to my inability to justify writing without sales.  Writing for writing's sake is just terribly stupid.

I have mentioned that I hate poetry, right?  Writing phrases out of grammatical order just to fit a rhythm and or to get it to rhyme seems stupid for some reason.  Pretentious more like.  I get that it is supposed to evoke an emotion and be a beautiful thing and I shouldn't knock it but it seems so fucking emo.

I watched a porn on TMC the other day - Sex Pets.  It was about a guy who can't seem to keep a girlfriend so his roommate talks him in to stealing the neighbor's dog.  Then he helps her find the dog and kind of falls in love w/ her.  There was a lot of sex.  Vanilla sex.  This is that kind of soft porn where you don't see the cocks.  The men are handsome so I guess you imagine they have a good one.  The girls are pretty.  They all had bodies like mine, the normal thin not fake boobs and stuff.  But the sexy was meh.

They seemed so distant like there was no connection between the partners.  Does that mean that I am a better lover than what is the common fuck?  Since it happens behind closed doors I guess you just imagine that everyone knows how to "make love" - who knows?  But I felt like there was no intimacy between the characters and it seemed so boring to me.

I'm used to "do you know how sexy your are?"  and "you are so beautiful" not just...nothing.  It also might be the writer in me.  You can't just write a sex scene without dialogue.  It becomes insert slot A into slot B.

On www.goodreads.com, people are starting to give reviews for some of my books.  I received about seven 4 and 5 star reviews for Cinderella Thyme in the past two days and about three 5 star reviews for A Ghost's Chance.  The latter has only 5 star reviews, which brightens my spirits.  I've been so jealous of people bragging that their books are in top 100 lists and they are rolling in the dough.  I've sold only four books on Amazon this month - full disclosure - and it bums me out.

Another FB "friend" died.  He was a writer who kept at it until The End so to speak.  I feel sad for this one even though, like all the rest, I did not know him.  But I guess the thing I find so weird is that so many of the writers I'm encountering are sickly.  What is it about this biz that makes people sick?  Is it the sitting around in one place or the staying indoors with the same air circulating until you breathe in death?  What the hell? 

Sometimes I don't feel like working out.  When you are fit you think, why do I have to do this?  But the minute you stop you realize that fitness is not something you can bank on so I do it religiously.  It is like everything else - relationships included - something you always have to work on.

I love that (knock wood) even if my career turns to shit, I can always say at least I have my health.  And my sexy-sexy.  Phew! 

Weekend Blues

I haven't been selling any books.  So if you are here to gain insight into the self publishing world you're in the wrong place.  It's hard to feel successful with dismal sales but then I think there are people from all over the world visiting this blog for whatever reason really, and that's something.

Some of you fall into it by accident and some are curious about the posts I do on Facebook and Twitter.  But for all of the time I spend trying to promote, the amount of people venturing in by my guidance is like nothing.

The whole thing is weird.

I had this fantasy that my books are carried into the Dimera mansion on Days of Our Lives after all the promo I did for the One Handed Writers blog post about James Scott.  Then my books sell like wildfire or whatever.  It just takes one thing to start a phenomenon but like Oprah says, you can't make it happen yourself.  The public creates a phenomenon.

Today I was watching a bunch of back-to-backs about the US States on the History channel and it is crazy that we are one country.  The south is very different from New York.  People are so different.  Even within erotica groups on Facebook, the writers on the other blogs I contribute to and even the other Excessica authors - we come from completely different places and our voices are just so different.  I wonder if people like me even read let alone read erotic romance novels.

I have a few good reviews on Goodreads.  The ones who gave me 1s - I always check their sites to see what they do like and it is inevitably stuff I don't like.  Everyone's a critic. 

The Man with Two First Names Re-route

Just blogged on One Handed Writers - http://onehandedwriters.com/2013/04/06/the-man-with-two-first-names/

Wishy-Washy Mia

Yesterday I settled on an idea for a new novel and today I felt like quitting the biz all together.  Maybe it was a fluke.  A blip in my life.  I don't know.  I don't feel compelled to write anymore.  I don't want to keep chasing a different dream.  Like this didn't work so I'll try that. 

Part of it is that my work out regimen is taking all my free time - I am off to a reunion this summer so it's like I'm constantly reflecting on whether or not I'm as successful as I should be or rather, as I thought I would be when I was plotting my life in high school.

I don't think I'll ever be satisfied.  To some people I'm totally amazing and to others I'm still living in a fantasy world.  My sister accused me of such the other day.  And in my defense, my whole life is a great big pretend because that's what I do.  I create worlds both verbally or visual, places for people to retreat to and what's funny is there are people who admire me and who actually look to me for advice.

What a joke, right?

My favorite is the one about the new writer who plasters my FB wall with spam about their own books and thinks I am going to help them find their way.  And don't I always do it? 

Am I a fool or what?

Writing is best when it is far removed from the publicity part but all that shit is electromagnetic.  You're sucked into the imaginary vortex of the nonsense and all of a sudden you've done nothing but feel like the worst writer in America.

Selena Kitt said that the top 100 erotica books are full of romatica shit.  No more Daddy fuckers and what not, which means that Mommy Porn buyers are taking over.  Where does that leave me exactly?  Because I'm not so taboo but I'm still way too sextreme for the everyday reader. 

Hello?  Is it me your looking for?

And since I referenced Lionel Ritchie, the obvious segue is...I love Fashion Star just as much as Project Runway, maybe better.

What will I wear to my function?  I mean it's months from now, way too difficult to plan ahead.  Black, natch, but really, why do I care? 

Good One

Someone searched virtual fuck friend and landed on my blog.  I don't remember ever using those code words until now, of course.  The interweb's a very strange place.

I am sitting here waiting for something.  Someone to be specific, and I absolutely hate waiting.  It is insulting when someone cannot be on time.  Fashionably late is one thing - that is an example of not being the first one there so that you can make a grand entrance in the Cinderella fashion.  But when it is a professional meeting or a first date, it makes you feel like a doormat, like your time is less valuable. 

Recently I worked with a 20-something who was so passive it made me sick to my stomach.  Now, as you know, I have a thing for the capture/bondage fantasy but in real life I just cannot stand passiveness.  I can't stand the poor young damsel in distress routine, especially when people fall for it.  Ick.

In fantasy I like being that damsel until I come.  Then it vanishes in a snap.  Makes me feel like two completely different people and the reason why writing novels suits me.  I can be that other person behind closed doors and then zip-zap I'm back to being me.

I'm starting to outline ideas for potential novels.  I've been sitting on a few ideas for a while, mulling them over.  I wish I could be paid to be a muse like Sharon Stone's character in the movie.  I have ideas dripping from every pore but some are the kind that sound great but I can't see myself focusing on them for months at a time.  Not sure what to do right now.  When I have more time I will want to pick one idea and stick with it until the end.

I also keep a log of ideas for book titles and character names.  If something sounds good to me, I google it to see if anyone else has used it.  I wish more people would do that.  Mostly people tend to do a play on an existing title like Something Shades of Something or whatever.  That just lacks creativity.

A good book to me is original plot coupled with good writing.  Good writing cannot cover up the fact that someone has basically redrafted a similar story and bad writing ruins an interesting plot.  But what is really good writing?  Like art, it is subjective to a person's assessment and since people who read vary in intelligence, the popular vote will not often be the best - well IMO, due to my mighty intellect, natch.

When I meet a celebrity I think I will be exposed to some sort of greatness like an aura of power that transformed them from ordinary to extraordinary but it never really happens.  Instead I think, why him or her?  They don't really have anything magical.  It can happen to anyone and that is almost a bummer.  I wish I could be certain that my path is the right one.

Blah-blah-blah, where is this fucking asshole?  Honestly, one fucking person should not make me question my entire existence! 

Millionaire/Billionaire Re-Route

I just posted to one handed writers.  I blog there every other Saturday.
http://onehandedwriters.com/2013/03/23/in-defense-of-the-millionairebillionaire/