I don't know - it was such a turn off. I started thinking about those manipulative women I know who try to be more feminine than you, if you know the type. They play the damsel card even when they are perfectly capable of doing the work and men fall for that shit every time. Like they will run to the rescue while the rest of us appear strong and go un-helped. In fact, in my life I am always doing things so far ahead of schedule that I then have to go back and do the work that the other people can't seem to do in the same time frame. People tend to rely on me instead of trying harder, which frankly, pisses me off so much that I don't want to be like them. Don't want to be a submissive passive-aggressive by choice.
I'm watching Showtime porn. I usually fast-forward through the sex scenes. They are kind of - meh. Not a fan of fake boobs. They look gross the way they are so balloon-like. Oh, here comes another lesbian scene. How many lesbians do you know? Gay guys at work and in my friend circle are very fit and well groomed but the lesbians are more Rosie O'Donnell-like circa that time she went all Boy George haircut. I don't really get the part where the woman wears a strap-on. It seems like they would be happier with a tranny. Is that mean? Because in a non-consent fantasy I don't care if it is a man or a woman doing the raping. It's the getting fucked against your will that I like. Getting fucked despite your best efforts to stop it from happening because you are a good girl who wouldn't dare do bad things.
Okay - I know, I know. I need therapy.
Those fake boobs make the porn stars look fat. I have been dieting to achieve a certain look for my birthday tomorrow and for the high school reunion I will attend this summer. TMI? I haven't eaten a thing in days and days and by thing I mean no candy or basically, lunch. I lost that stupid five pounds that seems to stick no matter how much you exercise but no one seems to notice. Well, I mean men or maybe a particular man. Completely oblivious to change.
I have several stories in my head. Someone on Twitter had a link to a Stephen King speech that was on You Tube. I watched it and felt like I understood him - I mean what he said about writing is what I do- thinking about the good and bad of characters. People are not 100% perfect. I've never read one of his books. I have zero desire to read anything that is horror-ish. I know Dr. Cockburn's Medicine is labeled erotic horror but that's only because Jake thought it was horror. I didn't because I was too turned on to the consensual non-consent element of Doc Cock's presence that I wasn't thinking scary.
I had always thought that Stephen King had to be one of those nerdy creepers from high school, the ones who gain some modicum of success as an adult but still retain their problematic personalities that are stuck in loser teenager mode. But he did not come across like that. He was pretty much normal. He was speaking to a group of college students and I wish he had prepared something instead of winging it, but otherwise I liked him.
I like when I identify with other writers. It makes me feel like I'm in the right direction with this endeavor. I know what I'm doing. I just have to find the confidence to produce the stuff that's in my head. I just received two five star reviews for A Ghost's Chance on Amazon.com.
I've been promoting the hell out of it on Twitter and two followers actually bought the story, read it and loved it. So that only took a year and a half but what the hell? I have plenty of time.